So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
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