i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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