Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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