I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
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