guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
whose parrot is this?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
