at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
