How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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