New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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