girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
