I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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