I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
