3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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