Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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