If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
