Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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