dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
