"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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