thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
