college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Is it penis luge time yet?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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