I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I am mentally ready for anal.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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