Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Randomize
