he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
