i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
