my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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