I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
