What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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