he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
