you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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