I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
