**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Randomize
