I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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