her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i can't believe i had my finger in that
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
