i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
