she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
