So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
