I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
