3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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