No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
