Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
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