u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
