there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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