Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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