8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
