hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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