hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
