clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
