Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Randomize
