this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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