Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
