I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
