Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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