if you like me you must not know who I am
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
