Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
