Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
