I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
