its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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