I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize