dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
