Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize