I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize