We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Randomize
