And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
